"The Need For Change Bulldozed A Road Down The Center Of My Mind."… Maya Angelou
I was recently reading an article on Madame Noire.com, "Going After A Man…". The article, of course, started me to look at the plight of women and how "assertiveness" can easily turn into or be misconstrued as "stalking".
As a woman that is single, in my 40's, employed, and open to love, is it politically correct or should I say, is it socially acceptable to be aggressive and forward to make my intentions known to a man that I am interested in? Once that intention has been expressed or shown, do I wait for the man to make the next step, do I continue to pursue with my womanly persuasive charm or do I lay back now that I have lit the flame?
I have read countless articles stating that men are very intrigued with women who are assertive and know what they want. Men are tired of being the ones to initiate a potential love interest. Does the thought of a woman approaching you in a crowded room and whispering into your ear that she has been watching you from across the room and she would like to get to know you, interest you? Or how about the woman that sees you in the grocery store and walks up to you and offers to help you to pick a ripen melon that you have been toiling over for some time, does that arouse curiosity in you?
Well gentlemen that assertive, I know what I want, I go for mine, woman has earned the privilege and honor of getting to know "You". Her charming ways of showing you just how much she cares, volunteering to pick up your dry cleaning, her ever so, but not imposing, way of dropping everything to be at your beck and call to make your life convenient is starting to take a turn. There is that 9 pm knock at the door with your favorite dish and a bottle of your favorite wine staring at you when you open the door, but the problem is you didn't invite her over nor did she call to check if this was in your plans. As she walks pass you and gently kisses your lips, she says "Baby I wanted to make sure you ate". Initially it was cool to have her to appear unannounced at your door wearing her trench coat and nothing else but her birthday suit. The spontaneity has worn off and now it's intrusive.
Initially it was exciting to receive wake up texts with her in her most provocative lingerie showing you what you missed last night. Throughout the day, the "I like an assertive woman" calls or texts little "I'm thinking of you messages". The opportunity for you to express thoughts of thinking of you, you were on my mind is pointless due to the overwhelming texts and calls from her. When does it transitions from attractive to unattractive behavior from a lady? Is it assertive or invasive when your boundaries are ignored and trampled on?
Lastly, the ugly "U" rears it's head, Ultimatum. Men and women a good relationship can not exist when one or both are issuing ultimatums. An ultimatum is a form of control and manipulation. It turns into resentment. There should be open dialogue and honesty. And to me, the key ingredient in any relationship is compromise. Comprise is an opportunity for both parties to bring their wants to the table and maybe not getting them all but allowing each person to have a sense that their views and opinions are valued. Men this is a modern day dilemma that only you can answer. I believe that many women, especially younger, have taken the hype of being assertive and going for what you want and has allowed this concept of falsehood to prevail over grace, finesse, refinement, decorum and decency.
Is it okay to make your intentions known to a man that you are interested in? I say yes, but in moderation and in a lady-like fashion. The old adage less is more is so correct and profound. Queens when you have to throw yourself at a man or become his everything and forgetting who you are, there is a problem. Leave the pit bull mentality and pinstripe suits in the boardroom. Indulge in soft rounded curves that is pleasing to your man. Allow him to be the aggressor and most importantly the man.
Men the idea of having this assertive, aggressive woman can be new and a welcoming challenge. But when the challenge is over and you have grown tired of what is now perceived as invasive, intrusive, and stalking behavior, remember this message was initiated with your opened arms of willingness to be swept off your feet. Let me point out the obvious, you're the man, you shouldn't be swept, you should be doing the sweeping….
Peace and Blessings,